Enough

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Mastering the art of simplicity

Yesterday, as I lay in bed staring at the ceiling, a sudden feeling of wanting to change hit me. A change in myself and how I am. I craved the feeling of being 'new' and having fresh start. The feeling of having yourself cleansed and scraped from the bad and the good, to start anew on a clean and bare base; to start up although not fully, from zero again. To make changes and to grow on both the good and bad days.

I felt and still feel kinda lost. Guess this is what you call going through the typical teenage identity crisis. I don't know what to do or think about myself. Like, I am who I still am before, not much has changed. I'm still the same ball of cheer that laughs at too many things too often but sometimes I realise it's as if I'm only that way in front of people. However, it's not one of those instances where I'm 'acting' that way to conceal my actual feelings from people in the surrounding. I'm not faking it because I almost always genuinely am the way I am according to the way I feel inside. To me, there really is no point in faking it anymore. If I'm upset, then I am and if I'm happy, then I am. 

So what did I decide to do? 

I cleared out things like conversations and photos. I deleted some photos off Instagram and some things off Twitter. Now, I honestly am not even sure what I can benefit from doing this, I kind of just felt like it but oh well, I've done it already anyway. Though, I've always wanted to delete stuff off Instagram because I'm in the phase where I'm tired of seeing my face (selfie wise) but then again, no matter how many times I think or say that, I still am taking many more shameless selfies lol.

I want to be simple, to live simply in the moment, sweat less (no I don't mean perspire ok), to enjoy the small things and engage myself in the bigger adventures. I want to travel, to be in a new country; an unfamiliar city with bright lights, a quiet and breezy countryside and meet new people whose names would ring a bell then remind me of where we met and the beautiful places they came from. 

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You are enough. I am enough.

Then again, if I think I'm not, I'd take that as an opportunity to fix myself and improve.

See, I've always had it in my head that I wanted to be different. I wanted to stand out from the crowd. Although, I didn't fancy differences physically as in my looks, but I wanted to vary in character. I wanted to have a beautiful broad mind. Mostly, I wanted to be able to form and write my thoughts in ways that could help others. In a way, to be inspirational is something I dream of and wanted to achieve someday.

Gah, am I just all talk? I say all these things about wanting to do stuff but can I ever get myself to accomplish it all. The probability is pretty low if slouching on this couch is the only activity I've done for the past mm 5 years of my teenage life. Maybe I'm just too dreamy.

Sad isn't it, realising that you're so far off from your goals but happy aren't you, finally realising that you're halfway there and your effort in the progress is paying off. So saying that, I'm still going to put as much effort as I can everyday and then hopefully one day, I'd be able to look back on myself thinking, "wow, you've gone far."

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I feel so bored with myself right now and I can't figure out why. I've got nothing to write, no inspiration, no proper interest in what I'm writing or doing or anything else for that matter, and that's the worse because I feel so disconnected. Sigh, I'm really hilariously annoyed. This post annoys me as well. It isn't complete or at least it doesn't seem to me like it is. It's broken and random in so many places. Blurgh.

An adventure is very much needed.