Convey

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17, young at heart. Her smile always reached her eyes and her laughter boomed across the room too often, even at the littlest things. A paradox, she was; cared a little too much yet sometimes a little too less whenever it came to things that were near and dear to her, she was lazy but ambitious, never serious yet at times was too serious, could be called a happy-go-lucky when in reality could also be as broken as shattered glass. She was the kind of person who wanted people to see her happy, even when she wasn't.

If you asked me to describe myself, excluding physical factors and although pretty cliche, this is how I would. Since young, I've always thought of myself as a person who was always lively or joyful. My friends told me that all I do is smile and being tagged in those old Facebook character tag photos (does anyone remember those? *flashbacks to 2010*) as 'the most cheerful' also proved the fact.  Now, I feel like I've talked about this way too often. In the most recent post, I sort of mentioned it too. Oh well, I'm just going to let everything out into its own post.

Not too sure what's been up with me lately but the chaos is pretty or at least seemingly real.

The chaos in my head. 

Yeah. Although not visible, it's still surely is real.

I don't know if anything triggered it or something but my OCD's been a definite pain in the ass these past couple of days, leading up to a week. Gah, I thought I've got it fixed, locked the thing at the far back on my mind but guess I was wrong yet again. I mean, I've got through this same thing tons before. The usual routine of having it-succesfully getting rid of it-having it worse than originally.   One time, I actually accidentally bumped my head on the side of our computer desk and what do you know, my mind was clear as day for the next few days until I accidentally bumped it again at the same desk...(idk, I'm just clumsy) and back to chaos it went. Hm, I'm not really sure what to say about this really, or about anything because honestly, I'm still have an inspiration block. There really is no fun in writing anything when you're not too into it. 

On a completely different and positive note, I've just got back home from a what I call a 'feel good weekend' which is just what I needed. Spent the past two days at my cousins' house after visiting my other, youngest cousin's house for her aqiqah. Too bad we didn't actually get to watch the occasion since my brother and I had tuition in the morning, and mum had a doctors appointment, so we went much later. Loved seeing and being together with all the family though, once there. The amazing daging masak hitam made it even better. Two plates worth better. 

Also got to see James and Alex, which I haven't seen in about a year. Played with the little ones all day both yesterday and today. Last night, we all had dinner outside on the patio and it felt so nice to be out enjoying good food, with good and cool weather, and with the addition of an amazing family. I also took (or more like, made my brother take) one too many photos of myself on the backyard stairs. The ones were I look like I was sort of naturally playing around were my favourites. Although, of course it never really is natural when you know you're taking a photo is it lol. 

Anyway, today whilst reading the comic part of the newspaper, I realised that I've been saying and reading Sagittarius (the horoscope) as Stegosaurus (the dinosaur). Wonder how long I've thought of it like that and what other words have I been reading wrongly but just haven't figured out. 

Additional fun fact: I can't pronounce the word 'lulur' properly. It always comes off as LUL-LOR or LUL-LOOR.

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28th July - Tuesday

Second day of being back in school since Raya holiday ended (last week ho ho). I only went for a day out of the three of last week because we weren't learning anything due to the teachers still being busy with our exam papers. I don't know what's up with me, but I've gone and came home from school for the past two days as happy as could be. Something must've messed up the what-i-think-about-school part of my mind. Althooooough, I'm not one to complain about it hehe. 

Got a couple of my exam papers back already and to sum it up in one word, it's average which is honestly good enough for me, considering how little I know I actually studied for 2nd Term. Ah but of course, I've got to try much much much harder for trials which are coming up a week after our month long holiday (that start a week after next yay!). Sigh, I'm probably going to spend the hols studying though. Plus, I've got extra classes at school to attend in the morning. So, here's to a book facing filled month! 

Speaking of exams, I've gotten my Malay paper back today and was pretty proud of the essay I wrote and the marks I got for it. When I first submitted it though, I was pretty sure I'd messed up because I wasn't even sure if I could write the essay the way I had. Fortunately though, it was all good. Honestly, my marks aren't even that high haha but the very fact that I've improved from getting low marks and C's for Malay to where I am now makes me pretty happy considering how difficult I find trying to write essays in Malay. when I have to constantly ask someone to translate the simplest words  from English because those are just the kind of things I forget.

"You have the ideas, I can see that. You've used the right expressions and your words are simple. It's just that you don't know how to convey your idea into words properly." 

- my malay teacher

Yeah, when you have to constantly ask someone to translate the simplest words from English to Malay, it is pretty hard to convey anything right. Don't get me wrong though, I'm fluent in speaking Malay. It's just that when it comes to the proper usage of the language that makes it all so much harder.  

Anyway, I'm pretty bored right now, as I usually am mostly all day 24/7. 

Bored/tired/hungry = me. 

My appetite has been increasing lately and I've been feeling hungry far too often. Sometimes, I'm not even hungry and I still eat. I guess there's just something about food or simply eating that just comforts me. Sounds weird but still logical. Yesterday, my friend brought Raya biscuits from home and I think I ate the most. Ugh, they were all so good and apparently I guess I enjoyed it the most that its container ended up in my hands even after we were done with breakfast. Today, the same friend brought a pack of chocolate mini buns to have for his breakfast and guess who finished most of them? That's right, it was me again. Bless my friend for bringing/sharing such good food that I don't mean to eat but still end up having anyway. 

On a completely different note, I haven't watched American Horror Story in ages. I finished Season 2 already and was meaning to start Season 3 but have been putting it off since Ramadhan. Too bad I've kind of lost interest in the series already. Maybe I'll get back to it soon when I feel the immense need to watch a creepy show with an amazing plot and good looking characters (mhm, I'm talking about you Evan Peters). Now though, I'm really into watching Community which Amin has nicely introduced me to and am absolutely loving it. I'm currently in Season 3 right now and so far judging from the past two seasons, this show is a sure favourite of mine. Abed Nadir fo lyfe btw. 

Ah, thought I would add the current song I play most at the end of my posts now since I'm really into music right now and thought it would be cool for anyone looking for music suggestions. Though, of course music tastes are different depending on the person. These are just the kind of things I like listening to. 

☯ // Sylvan Esso - Hey Mami // link // ☯