Fix

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How does a person go from filled with happiness to being shattered in just a matter of minutes, or more likely, seconds?

Wow, I'm tired. Honestly, exhausted. Not like I've done much but I just feel like I'm just dragging on with everything. I'm there, you can see me, but I'm always so distant. I know I am. Mind you, I tried. I tried being myself again but really, the amount of effort to put on a fake smile everyday is just tiring. That's why I gave up at it. I'm better off sad as I am right now because at least then I can heal faster. Just hold on. Everyone just needs to hold on. I need to hold on.

Yesterday, I filled up with so much positivity, had an amazing sleep and woke up in an amazing mood. So, why did that all change in a matter of an hour when I reached school? For some reason, I let the negativity get into me again and for what? Just feel so stupid for going with it and taking myself away from what could be an amazing day, which was just what I needed. I didn't feel anything more than the need to be away and alone. Horrid.

I don't know, really. I don't know what to do because one day I'm right as rain and another, I'm just under the blankets all day. All I've been asking myself lately is when did I let go of my happiness and what made me and why haven't I fixed it. I'm a human, I understand we all go through tough times but if I could just shoved all these sad emotions into a bottle and smash in on a wall, I would.

Gah, I just regret some things so bad. Today, I regret spending so much time alone to myself and not with my friends when I could've been. My mind's just so filled up that I feel like I don't have the strength to fix anything anymore. I just want a peace of mind. Losing one of many people who've always been there for you is hard. I don't want to lose another one, not right now or ever, really. I'd do anything to fix the one before and I'll do anything to fix whatever's now.

I love my friends and all I am is just so sorry.