Don't

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"Girl, I guess you didn't know any better." 

- Don't // Bryson Tiller 

It's weird how a simple person can stick in your mind.


I don't know why I keep going back as if I'm reliving the past day by day. Often just silently wishing that things were the way they were before. I know it never can be yet I still think about it. What if I didn't do this and what if I did that? Questions like that run in my mind time and time again. To be honest, I don't like it but I can't stop.

I came across a tweet by a poem account on Twitter a couple of minutes ago. It struck me right in the heart. I felt like it described the exact thing I've been feeling. (here!)

Then, I realize damn I'm still attached. Why? No idea. If you asked me a couple of weeks ago, I'd say
'bruh nah.' Today, I'm not so sure anymore. Guess that feeling of emptiness has crept back in and I'm not sure I know how to get rid of it. It's stupid really but things you know are stupid are ones that you think about the most.

Maybe I don't miss him. Maybe I just miss having someone around all the time; day and night. I don't think you can just go from constantly talking to having no communication at all so easily, almost in a blink of an eye. I don't think the loneliness goes away that easily. Then again, it's not as if I've got no one to talk to. Since then, I've rekindled friendships I lost previously, I met new people and struck new bonds but no bond with anyone has been enough to fill the void completely.

Maybe I just miss being ultimately comfortable with someone, without a worry in the world of what each other would think. I miss the simple things like late night phone calls talking about nothing, anticipating video calls and making faces at each other to screenshot and use as blackmail. I miss looking at the clock to see if it's time to go home so I can see you before I go. I miss it all.

Maybe not the person, but just the things we did. Maybe.

You know what, before this year, I never knew how it felt to be heartbroken; to have your insides feel like shattered glass. I've been with someone else but I was young and playful. I didn't know real love and I didn't know how thing's worked. I left with barely a second thought. Yes, it was mean. Definitely, mean. Oh well, now I know how it feels to be on the other side.

Realistically, I've got to just calm down, take a deep breath and let it all go. The past is the past and if I don't stop wanting it back, I'm never going to get over it and move ahead.


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Aight, enough of the sappiness!!


This is what I love about blogging. The fact that I can just completely let out all my emotions into one post and just feel so light afterwards. Anyway, I'm currently listening to Bryson Tiller - Don't  and kinda have been the past two days. I'm way too into this song lol. At first, I was just into the chorus after hearing it a couple of times of the musical.ly app but the whole song is 100% love. 

Guess what though, I'm falling sick right in the mids of trials and am feeling pure blegh. Woke up with a sore throat and slight headache and having the exam schedule so packed with only 30 minute breaks in between papers were a struggle lol. What's even better was it was two of the hardest subjects, History and Add Math. Happy that I only have one paper to sit for tomorrow though and it's after break/before lunch so yay more time to revise in the morning. 

On an unrelated note, my nails are getting pretty long and I just haven't gotten up to cutting them yet. I don't know how people function with having either those naturally long or acrylic nails because I struggled just to open a bottle because my nails keep hitting the bottle and I couldn't grab the cap properly lol. Don't get me wrong, some people have absolutely beautiful long nails though. 

Peace out. xx