Peter Pan

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"The task we must set for ourselves is not to feel secure, but to be able to tolerate insecurity." 

- Erich Fromm

"it's not worth thinking you're not worth it"

Often times, we are all just plagued with continuous bad thoughts about our looks. Feeling self conscious as we step out of the comforts of our house to the outside world where we are exposed to the eyes of other human beings such as ourself. Out to where you think you are exposed to judgement upon how you look or/and how you dress. In reality, I don't think anybody really gives a flipping damn about either one. Sure, there is the occasional set of people who do and will whisper behind your back and giggle their heads off at your mismatched hijab and blouse choice. Well you know what, don't hang your head shamefully but instead chin up and keep that head high and show them that you're proud of how you look because honestly, if you feel good about yourself already then that's all that matters. Why should the opinion of others be of any care to you? It shouldn't.

Yet, it still does.

I can sit here hidden behind my laptop screen and tell you to be confident and strut as if you own the place but alas I too am unable to do/be so. The feeling insecurities give me is something I just hate. I'm just urged to always to keep my head down, to keep eye contact to a minimal, and to avoid talking/looking/accidentally touching anyone at all. Lately, I've been feeling it quite regularly and that is something I am not happy about.

Speaking of it, today was one of those days too. My hijab just wouldn't sit right on my head and although I thought "gah, I'm just not gonna care. The wind can style it if it wants to.", getting stares from people was less than comforting.

I've always gotten stares when I'm out though, especially when I was younger. In my head, it's probably because of my long huge mess of brown curls that takes up most of what I am lol.

Sarah = 1/2 hair 1/2 other human parts.

Something I often got as well was being asked if I was mixed (assumed Caucasian mostly) which I never understood. I guess it because was the colour of my hair or the way I spoke....Zz. Rest assured, if I sound like I have an accent, it's not intentionally put on alright. It's just how I speak.

Okay to take this on a more positive note, I've started using Vine again since what seems like a year or so and am currently always on the 6 second cover tag. My current favourite Viner is Ruth B. Her voice is absolute love! One I played over and over again was the one of Peter Pan.

"I am Peter Pan. I'll never be a man if you never wanna grow up. Take my hand, I'll take you to Neverland. 

She also has a song called Lost Boy (here!) which too is based on Peter Pan. Just like probably any other young girl, Peter Pan was one of my first character crushes. The one played by Jeremy Sumpter especially.  I am in loooooooove with this song and how deep of a meaning it has too if you analyse it.

According to the many youtube comments under that video, there are two opinions on what the song meant. The first one was about a suicidal boy who went to Neverland (heaven) with Peter Pan who was interpreted as one of the angels that came to save him and the other 'lost boys'. There's a part of the song that goes "As we soared above the town that never loved me, I realise I finally had a family." and I guess that's where the idea came from.

The second opinion was that Peter was the lost boy's guidance. He found Neverland and found himself at home and in happiness there. Say, Neverland is his escape from reality and his happy place.

Of course, everyone interpret songs in their own way. Reading these though, for some reason really hit me in the heart. So, to anybody out there who are struggling with whatever it is, be it depression or you're going through your own trials and tribulations, remember that there you can and will find your Neverland. Something/some place/ someone to remind you of happiness and a place to let go from the stress and burden on your shoulder.

Alright then, I guess I'm out of things to say right now. It's been ages since I wrote posts as short as this. It's like my old posts when I first started this blog. Still, it's better than nothing right! Hopefully soon enough this writing slump will go away. xx