1.31 am?

{ Salzburg, Austria // December 2014 }

1.31 am; hungry & sleepy eyed

Sometimes, I just hate staying up because past midnight thoughts are the either the best or the worse. Tonight, it's alright. On the brink of madness but it's bearable. Undeniably, one of the things that is always on my mind is you. You keep me away from going bonkers. You keep me away from going insane. Day by day pass and I still feel stuck. Some days are amazing and I can do things and I can forget what's bothering me. Other days, I just feel like I'm dragged through 1082318038 bushes. Back then, I used to use every possible mechanism I know to stop my ocd. Today, I do nothing more than just sit and stare I believe those thoughts are not mine, they are not going to hurt me and therefore, I should ignore them.

On another story, I'm pretty hungry. Not tummy rumbling but close to it I shouldn't be complaining. I have access to food, about 15 steps away from me. Some people don't.

I miss you. Lately, I've been feeling like I've lost my confidence and feeling like I'm not good enough. Not just towards you but towards everything else. I try to draw and I don't like it (the drawing). I try to paint and I don't like it. I try to do crafts and I don't like it. I'm lost because how am I ever going to be entering an art course, an art uni, an art based career if I can't do anything. I feel like I've lost passion or love towards what I love. I'm tired of feeling like I can't do anything. Talentless is what I feel. Boring is what I've become.

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Hey ho, here's a piece of what I wrote on notes in my phone then sent to Hurairah (+ additional secret paragraph) which I originally wanted to write on here but was too lazy to get the laptop.