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I've got no relatable-to-the-post quote to add here today, so instead I'd like to say ISNT THAT PHOTO OF THE MOUNTAINS JUST ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL. I'd love to be there, wherever that is, and just breathe in the fresh forest air and beautiful scenery.
Okay so, it's been nearly two weeks since my last post and in that span of time that I've been quiet, I've compiled 7 different draft posts haha ha ha..ha *sighs*. For some reason every time I finish a paragraph or two of one post, my brain decides to be absolutely dried out of ideas. Therefore, resulting in the abandoning and restarting of a completely different post. However, I'm definitely going to try my hardest not to let that happen to this one.
Mmm, today I went to KLCC in hopes of buying an utterly new set of skin care products. I've always been using a mix match of multiple different brands such as Clean & Clear, Simple, and Garnier but for the most part, I use the things my dermatologist has given. I think I started using those about 2 years ago when the acne and redness I had was at its prime lol. It really did its job of clearing my face from those face demons though, at least up until now where to me, it just doesn't seem like it's working as amazingly as it used to. I read that skin can get used to certain products if it's used often and therefore stop working as effectively but that's probably just a beauty myth. Although, having a change in your routine (and the excuse to buy new products) is fun nonetheless.
Originally, after googling and researching 'best brands for teenage skin care' all night yesterday, I had my heart set on a UK spa brand called Elemis which was rated top on 3 different websites. Bad thing was, the only Elemis counter is in Sunway Pyramid which is quite a journey away. Instead, I settled for Origins and got a complete basic set consisting of a cleanser, toner, moisturizer and mask. The usual, yknow.
Anyway, today also marks the second week of the month long school holidays. Woo! Last week, I spent 4 days in Langkawi which was amazing. A 'Langkawi-logue' is one of those 7 draft posts that are left sitting and waiting for my effort to finish them. Soon, drafts, soon. Being in Langkawi and enjoying myself with my family though, meant I had to miss 3 days of extra classes in school which was a half-bummer-half-HAHAWOO. I've got a month or so leading up to SPM trials and looking at how much I've got to study and cram is stressing me out. The other day I started writing notes for biology and what's a pain is that I've got to make sure that it always looks neat and pretty. Apparently if not, I won't actually read it. In efforts to keep it in its neat and pretty state though, I take way too long in perfecting my writing which in turns slows down the whole studying process. Time is not something I have in abundance when it comes to the days leading up to trials and the actual exams. All nighters and study groups, here I come.
Ah, something I want to let out is how horrid and frustrated I've been feeling about my shyness lately. I've realised that this shyness (that I've always had) is getting worse. Feeling like you can't look at anyone, go to anyone, speak to anyone, or be anywhere alone is just an absolute agony. The fact that I love talking and socializing but having this feeling that I'm just kind of restricted (and by what? myself) really sucks.
Now, I can't even order food or buy things in stores for myself. I can't go pay for things myself because for some weird reason, I've got an immense shy/scared feeling about going up to counters and cashiers. Because of that, I'm always depending on someone else to do those things for me which is not good. At this age, I've already got to be independent. How am I going to survive college or being in a foreign country or literally everyday life if I can't even do those simple things?
Siiiiiiiigh, it's really something I've got to work on and ideally, in a short amount of time. I don't think people really understand it though. "You're just shy. Get over it." "Just go do it." "Oh come on, it's nothing." YES, I'M JUST SHY. I'M JUST REALLY VERY SHY AND I CAN'T GET OVER IT AND I DON'T KNOW WHY BECAUSE IF I COULD GET OVER IT, I WOULD'VE ALREADY ALRIGHT.
Today, I felt like I was about to have a mental breakdown for some apparent reason. Coincidentally, i was out in a mall at that time zz. I was feeling like such a slug and weirdly, really insecure about myself. I haven't felt so frustrated that way in ages and just ugh ugh and ugh. I was biting so hard into the straw of a water cup which is something I do out of comfort and whenever I'm angry. The only thing that helped calm me down whilst walking around the mall was listening to music. Blegh.
Okay, okay, calm down. On a more positive note, I bought 3 books at WH Smith the other day which were The Only Safe Place, Elizabeth is Missing, and Boy, Snow, Bird. Finished The Only Safe Place in just 2 days (it's a great book by the way!! reminds me of Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children which I absolutely love/loved) and am currently now halfway through Elizabeth is Missing. It's a book written from the perspective of an old lady with memory loss problems who is looking for her missing friend Elizabeth and oh, goodness. It makes me feel like I'm losing my mind and forgetting everything as well. That, which means that the book is really well written.
Success!! I didn't abandon this post and actually wrote it all the way to the end. *pats myself on the back* Have a good day everyone! xx
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