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"Shyness has a strange element of narcissism, a belief that how we look, how we perform is truly important to other people."
-Andre Dubus III
Whenever I'm asked to describe myself, the word 'shy' would always pop up in my description. I was the shy 7 year old, the shy 13 year old, and now the shy 17 year old. People see being shy as a set back. Truthfully, it sure damn is.
Imagine not being able to go anywhere by yourself; being so self aware of yourself and thinking that everyone around you are just giving you weird stares and judging you, although in reality no one is.
Being shy is often associated with being socially awkward. To me, although they are similar, it's also two different things. A shy person is one who according to google is someone who is reserved or shows nervousness or timidity in the company of other people. Some who is socially awkward/inept on the other hand, they have an inability to know how to communicate with others of any social group.
A shy person (ex: me), am able to talk to anybody I know as if I haven't talked to anyone in days. Thing is, I take quite some time to warm up with new/unfamiliar people because of the shyness. Meeting and conversing with new people is something I'm not good at because my mind goes into overdrive and is filled with questions like 'what would they think of me?' 'what's their first impression of me?' 'will they even like me?' 'what if I say something stupid?' and the biggest worry that goes a little like,
Once I'm able to feel comfortable in my own skin and I start to wind down a bit, I'd chatter and laugh like there's no tomorrow. Honestly, I could easily talk as if I've known you for ages too if we really hit it up. Doesn't it just feel like the greatest thing to be able to find someone new and learning how similar and relatable you find each other that you can just talk like you've known them for for years and years instead of actually being acquainted with them that very day. I'm one who absolutely loves making new friends, which is pretty hard following the fact that it's hard for me to actually start a conversation with someone new. However, I'm trying hard to not let that bother me too much and actually try to seem and be friendlier.
On the other hand, to me, someone who is socially inept is not shy and is able to easily talk in groups of people. However, they always somehow manage to say the wrong things and make the situation awkward. In a way, it's as if they are unsure or unaware of whats acceptable to say and what to keep just to oneself.
Everybody is different. We all talk in different amounts. Sometimes, just because someone is always quiet and keeping to themselves, it doesn't mean that they're either shy/awkward or socially anxious (closer to shyness than being socially awkward). There are people who just genuinely enjoy being reserved and who knows, maybe if you get to know them they'd turn into a completely different person; cracking jokes and making you laugh till your stomach hurts. Realistically, everyone is shy to an extent.
My shyness though, reaches to a level where I can't buy or pay for things myself. There is just something intimidating about waiters, and going up to counters in restaurants and to any store in general. Weirdly, ordering food at fast food places make me feel the shyest. The idea of accidentally forgetting what I intended to order and holding up a line scares me. And so, I stand (not still, I've always got to keep moving for some reason) in line waiting whilst repeating the order in my head and debating on whether to use English or Malay as if it'd matter. I'm only that way because there was this one time where I was ordering something in English and the lady made me repeat it twice until I realized I had to switch to Malay. It really is no big deal though but being the shy person that I am, it just makes me want to avoid every possible situation similar to it.
Imagine not being able to go anywhere by yourself; being so self aware of yourself and thinking that everyone around you are just giving you weird stares and judging you, although in reality no one is.
Being shy is often associated with being socially awkward. To me, although they are similar, it's also two different things. A shy person is one who according to google is someone who is reserved or shows nervousness or timidity in the company of other people. Some who is socially awkward/inept on the other hand, they have an inability to know how to communicate with others of any social group.
A shy person (ex: me), am able to talk to anybody I know as if I haven't talked to anyone in days. Thing is, I take quite some time to warm up with new/unfamiliar people because of the shyness. Meeting and conversing with new people is something I'm not good at because my mind goes into overdrive and is filled with questions like 'what would they think of me?' 'what's their first impression of me?' 'will they even like me?' 'what if I say something stupid?' and the biggest worry that goes a little like,
"God, I hope they don't think I'm being rude or unsociable."
Once I'm able to feel comfortable in my own skin and I start to wind down a bit, I'd chatter and laugh like there's no tomorrow. Honestly, I could easily talk as if I've known you for ages too if we really hit it up. Doesn't it just feel like the greatest thing to be able to find someone new and learning how similar and relatable you find each other that you can just talk like you've known them for for years and years instead of actually being acquainted with them that very day. I'm one who absolutely loves making new friends, which is pretty hard following the fact that it's hard for me to actually start a conversation with someone new. However, I'm trying hard to not let that bother me too much and actually try to seem and be friendlier.
On the other hand, to me, someone who is socially inept is not shy and is able to easily talk in groups of people. However, they always somehow manage to say the wrong things and make the situation awkward. In a way, it's as if they are unsure or unaware of whats acceptable to say and what to keep just to oneself.
Everybody is different. We all talk in different amounts. Sometimes, just because someone is always quiet and keeping to themselves, it doesn't mean that they're either shy/awkward or socially anxious (closer to shyness than being socially awkward). There are people who just genuinely enjoy being reserved and who knows, maybe if you get to know them they'd turn into a completely different person; cracking jokes and making you laugh till your stomach hurts. Realistically, everyone is shy to an extent.
My shyness though, reaches to a level where I can't buy or pay for things myself. There is just something intimidating about waiters, and going up to counters in restaurants and to any store in general. Weirdly, ordering food at fast food places make me feel the shyest. The idea of accidentally forgetting what I intended to order and holding up a line scares me. And so, I stand (not still, I've always got to keep moving for some reason) in line waiting whilst repeating the order in my head and debating on whether to use English or Malay as if it'd matter. I'm only that way because there was this one time where I was ordering something in English and the lady made me repeat it twice until I realized I had to switch to Malay. It really is no big deal though but being the shy person that I am, it just makes me want to avoid every possible situation similar to it.
It really is a pain though; feeling so limited in what I could do or say for myself. I know I've got to get over it and lower the shy levels soon considering the fact that I'm going to be finishing school and going to uni soon. How am I ever going to survive in a different environment, let alone be in a different country if I can't even ask anyone where the bathroom is in the mall.
Oh well, that's just something I've got to work on myself. Have a good day! xx
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