The L Word

I've still been on a constant search for more people I can meet at the same wavelength. Someone with the same passions, beliefs and love for life because there's nothing more fulfilling than being surrounded by likeminded people who remind you that joy is an emotion you should feel the most, whether it's when you're with them or not.

It's been a bit lonely lately. Even being around my friends all day and almost all week, there's a sense of loneliness I can't seem to get pass. I've always been introverted, not one to like being around too many other people often but on days like these I sort of wish I could always be in the company of someone else, just for the niceness of it. I don't ever know the reason behind it, but it's nothing new.

Maybe I'm just hormonal but lately no matter how long I spend with my friends here, I go back up to my room still feeling a sense of emptiness, longing for something I just can't place a name for, but it's there, on the tip of my tongue if I search myself enough. 

I've always felt a struggle of not being able to find anybody I can really connect with. I know a whole load of people but at the very least I think only one or two really know me. For some reason, I've always been unable to really find a way to break through this shell-like exterior that surrounds myself. Even when an opportunity where I can be vulnerable with another person presents itself, my mind and mouth just would not let anything go. No words, no thoughts no matter how much I yearn for others to know my feelings and stories too. I want people to get to know me as much as I know them but it's hard when your mind and your heart aren't on the same wavelength.

I don't know. I feel like with who I am right now, I'm not me and I'm not the person I want to be. And with that, maybe I can't force 'myself' to feel any connections with the people I've met, not until I've built up what and how I really am as a person. I want the youth, spirit and brightness that the young me had.

Odd, considering life was a bit harsher back then than what I'm currently living.